DEALING WITH GRIEF LOSS AND WAYS TO COPE UP; COVID-19
Even though the sound of a new year brings hope and excitement, we will be leaving a dreadful year behind. In this year, almost all of us have lost something precious, either a job or a loved one or the peace of our mind. All of us were surrounded by fear, anxiety and the smell of death haunted us like never before. We have lost our loved ones or we have seen our neighbours or closed ones losing their loved ones. That brings out the topic of today, which is grief. With news of death almost every day, grief and fear covered us like a black cloud and gradually consumed us with its gravity. This deadly virus caused 1.19 million deaths around the world and the heavy baggage of struggle that falls on a person or a family after losing someone they love is too heavy to carry.
If you’re reading this and you have lost someone precious this year, then I am extremely sorry. Understanding the pain of loss and death is always complicated as each individual copes up with grief in different ways. For some, it’s years of clinical depression and for some, it is hiding behind the extra workload. Whatever it may be, I hope you find peace and serenity very soon.
The death of a loved one will change your whole world. You will find yourself completely lost, not knowing what to do. You will constantly look for a place to hide from your grief. People deal with grief in different ways and even the strongest of people find themselves in a storm of grief when faced with loss.
“Though people don’t often associate themselves with grief, laughing and smiling are also healthy responses to loss and can be protective,” explains Dr George Bonanno, who studies how people cope with loss and trauma at Columbia University. He has found that people who express flexibility in their emotions often cope well with loss and are healthier over time.
“It’s not about whether you should express or suppress emotion, but that you can do this when the situation calls for it,” he says.
About 10% of bereaved people experience complicated grief, a condition that makes it harder for some people to adapt to the loss of a loved one. People with this prolonged, intense grief tend to get caught up in certain kinds of thinking, says Shear, who studies complicated grief. They may think the death did not have to happen or happen in the way that it did. They also might judge their grief—questioning if it’s too little or too much—and focus on avoiding reminders of the loss.
“It can be very discouraging to experience complicated grief, but it’s important not to be judgmental about your grief and not to let other people judge you,” Shear explains.
Death of a loved one falls on the list of ‘one of the worst things that can happen in life.” It does not matter if you are facing it for the first time or for an umpteenth number. It will always damage you to your core. It will make you feel like you are on a vast cold island and there is no one who understands you or no one that can help you. You will tend to push people away. You will withdraw yourself socially. You will see the world as a cruel unfair place and nothing will seem enough to fill that void inside you. You will have extreme emotional outbreaks or you will be completely numb; not feeling anything at all. To feel all this is normal while facing grief. So, do not feel guilty for feeling too much or for not feeling anything at all. It might take days, weeks, months or even years to feel whole again but like every other storm, this one will ease up as well.
You can do a few things to make yourself feel better and heal better
1.Do not feel guilty to start going out with friends, living a normal life, to have movie nights, or simply rest.
2.Talk to your friends and family. One great advice is: Do not push people away. Talking to them will help you understand your emotion.
3.Do not erase your memory of them completely. Even though the thought of them will bring tears to your eyes, it is important that you acknowledge their presence in your life and the beautiful time that you shared together.
4.Write your thoughts out when it gets hard to open up to people and it will always get so hard to open up. This will be your least favourite topic to talk about but please do not keep it all inside you.
5.People will tell you not to work too much but working too much actually helps a lot. But do make sure that you are not in denial of any sort.
6.Do something to keep their memory alive. It can be something as little as planting a tree of their favourite fruit or something like dedicating a piece of writing for them. This will help you to let go.
7.Take help of a professional if it gets too hard. Do not bother to take help.
Death fills us with fear, a lot of bad days, and a constant urge to hide from the world. This is just human to feel all the unwanted emotion. This feels like the rock bottom. But you will never taste the best days without tasting some bad ones. As Steve Jobs said, “No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it, and that is how it should be because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It’s life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.”We all must face the truth of the death of a loved one as bravely. Because at the end of the day, we are humans and we have the capability to pass through the toughest storms. Tough times never last, but tough people do.
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